The most courageous thing I've ever had to do was put two feet on the floor one cold January morning. It would have been easier to pull the covers up tight around my neck. It would have been safer to pull them right on over my head. But my son was waiting for his good-morning hug and my husband was waiting for his good-morning kiss. I was simply waiting for a double -portion of strength that I so desperately needed that day.
These words spoken by my geneticist a few weeks prior replayed in my head: confirmed diagnosis of Vascular Ehlers-Danlos…the outlook is grim…you inherited this genetic mutation from your mother…your body
makes faulty collagen…your life expectancy will be shortened…there is no cure…you are prone to spontaneous arterial and organ ruptures…
there is no treatment…prepare your bucket list and live your life well...and always stay close to a major hospital.
I had no idea how to face this new normal. I was quite certain it would take more courage than I had ever known. And so, as I watched the
heavy sky release the snow that morning, my prayer was this...
Lord, give me courage. Because I have none.
I’ve often thought that the simplest of prayers are the ones that God seems to answer the swiftest. This prayer was no different. A few moments and a giant deep breath later, my two feet hit the hardwood floor and I began to make my way into the kitchen.
Learning to face life with an incurable, terminal genetic disorder has required me to rethink my definition of courage. And what I’ve learned is that true courage has nothing to do with earthly bravery and everything to do with heavenly focus.
I don’t know what you are facing today. But I do know that we can face anything on this earth if we rely on the only One who is capable of giving us a courageous heart.
Put your feet on the floor sister. I am rooting for you today.
Our 4th of July celebration included watching a livestream of Disney fireworks, keeping Nala calm during the neighborhood fireworks, and nursing this kid back to health. Not covid. Not flu. Not strep. 🤷♀️
How did you celebrate?
The Lord has no business answering that prayer. I don’t deserve it. This one is too petty. Surely someone else is praying for that one. How can this request possibly matter to God? It’s a waste of His time to listen to it.
These are the things I kept telling myself about some of the prayer requests that came to my mind. I had gotten into the habit of prioritizing my requests for God. I even went so far as to filter them for Him: I prayed over the requests that I thought mattered to God and ignored the requests that I deemed unnecessary. All the while, the unvoiced requests kept burning in my heart as I consistently ignored them.
I knew the power of prayer and had seen it move mightily through my church body. Why was I so hesitant to lay my entire heart before God?
Recently, I watched a dear friend bow repeatedly before the throne of grace and I saw God faithfully respond to all of her requests. I knew that under my current prayer-filter requirements, many of her requests would go unvoiced if I had been responsible for them. I asked her how she felt comfortable praying for everything, big or small, and her response was this: “I know that God cares about me. So if it matters to me, I know it matters to Him.”
Those were simple words that completely changed my prayer life. I had forgotten that it wasn’t my responsibility to filter my prayer requests for God. He is the creator of the universe; He has no problem listening and responding to every request that falls at His feet. My responsibility as His child was simply to pray.
I am learning to offer up every prayer request that crosses my mind. God’s response has not always been what I would have hoped, but every prayer has been answered. Because the true answer to prayer is closer intimacy with God. Big prayers, little prayers, seemingly insignificant prayers…God longs for us to pray over all things. It is through prayer alone that God can hear our voice and He likes the way our voice sounds.
Let us lift our voices up to Him in all things.
“Pray at all times in the Spirit with every prayer and request, and stay alert in this with all perseverance and intercession for all the saints.” (Ephesians 6:18)
💜 My husband
⛵️ My dad
👨🍳 My father-in-law
🚜 My uncle
Four of my many blessings God has given me. Four men who love, lead, protect, and serve. Two men I will greet in heaven one day. And two I am thankful to call on today. Happy Father's Day @tomdixoniv, Dad, Big Tom, and Gene. I love you dearly and thank God for you today.
If Mother's Day is tender...
My mind holds lots of days that bring overwhelming emotions.
The day I watched the paramedics come into my home and take my mother away in an ambulance.
The day she died.
The day my father's car hit a tree.
The day I watched him draw his last breath.
Mother's and Father's Days and holidays that remind you of loved ones no longer sitting around the dinner table
Each of the days my four grandparents died.
The day my son was born prematurely, the day my colon ruptured, the day I lost a portion of my kidney tissue, and the day my carotid artery ruptured.
The day I miscarried my second child.
The day I realized my medical emergencies were related to my mother.
The day I was diagnosed with Vascular Ehlers Danlos Syndrome.
The day I finally accepted that there was no cure.
I understand what it's like to mark the year with days that remind you of hard things. I know what it feels like to want to pull the covers over your head and stay there. I've done that.
But then there was the day I put two feet on the floor anyway because God's grace was sufficient for all of my weakness.
If today brings tender emotions, remember that today is just a day. One that was created by humans, that doesn't hold the power to define your worth or negate the comfort God covers you with as you remember mothers that are no longer here.
Hagar ran and found the God who sees her. The bleeding woman reached out and found the Savior who would not let her go unnoticed.
God sees your heart today. So as the Mother's Day sentiments flood your feed and the flowers and cards and gifts still sit on the shelves at the store, smile because you know the secret. You are beloved. God is holding you close today.
And I'm rooting for you, always.
"This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalm 118:24
Arizona friends I'm coming to see you! Tonight we'll be in Prescott, tomorrow in Surprise, and Sunday in Sierra Vista. Join me at @aspirewomensevents for a night of learning, music, and fun with @anitarenfroe and @miakoehne. We'd love to hug your neck!