I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13 NIV
I’ve had big feelings this week. I never thought I’d see March 7, 2025.
Why?
Because nine years ago, Tom and I sat in a geneticist’s office as he told us my life expectancy was 48 years. During that appointment, my geneticist explained the ramifications of Vascular Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (vEDS), a genetic connective tissue disorder that makes my blood vessels, arteries, and organs prone to spontaneous rupture. I had just been diagnosed with vEDS after a season of major medical events, culminating in the rupture of my carotid artery.
Estimating life expectancy for vEDS patients is tricky. It depends on a number of variables that aren’t always consistent within the vEDS community. Some of us live well into our sixties, but many never see their twenties. But 48 was the number I was given, and 48 is the number I have been counting up to for the past nine years.
Yesterday, March 7, 2025, I celebrated my 48th birthday.
Big feelings.
What My 48th Birthday Means to Me
I may never be able to fully articulate all of those feelings, but I’d like to express some of them today—both for myself and for those of you who carry difficult stories. Because my story is your story.
You may not be carrying a life-limiting genetic disorder, but I imagine you know what it’s like to walk through this world with incurable, unchanging realities. That is the nature of this world—it’s broken, but on the mend. Aging, but being made new. Weighed down by the consequences of sin, yet sustained by God’s goodness, mercy, and grace.
My 48th birthday means that because vEDS is incurable, God alone receives the glory for every breath I take. It means I still have a purpose because I still have a pulse. It means the gift of life is so exquisitely precious that even the smallest and most ordinary beauties move me. Even now, as I write this, I’m watching finches, cardinals, and chickadees enjoy a morning snack from the feeders in my backyard. And I remember that God cares for them as He cares for me.
My 48th birthday prompts an overflow of gratitude for the blessings I enjoy under God’s grace. My family has prioritized making memories together—both in small, everyday moments and in grand adventures. Over the past nine years, God has allowed me the immense privilege of encouraging thousands of women in their faith. And in two months, I will watch my son graduate from high school—an event I never expected to see when I was first diagnosed with vEDS.
The constant, visceral awareness that our lives are just a vapor reminds me that every good and perfect gift this side of heaven is from God. He is a good, good Father.
Living in the Tension of the Unknown
But I won’t sugarcoat this or pretend the journey has been easy. Alongside all the blessings God has given me, there have been countless tears, journal after journal filled with variations on the theme of why, God?, raw but honest expressions of anger, vEDS-related medical events requiring rest and recovery, and a very real, often intense struggle with anxiety.
Just last night, I confessed to Tom that as I step into this next season, I may wrestle with perceiving it as a season of lasts.
Will this be the last time I celebrate Easter? The last summer with friends? The last time I bake bread for Thanksgiving dinner? The last time I speak at a women’s event?
I wrestle with both faith and fear. Maybe you do too.
The Good News
Through every unknown, and even in the weight of my emotions today, I can testify to God’s faithfulness. He has carried me through vEDS-related unknowns and countless others I haven’t even shared yet. His faithfulness is why I teach the Bible. His faithfulness is what brings me back under the shelter of His wings. His faithfulness is what I joyfully submit to every night when I close my eyes.
God’s faithfulness has sustained me through challenges I never imagined I could endure. And if I can offer anything to this Rescued Letters community, it is the assurance of these truths:
God sees you.
God loves you.
God is for you.
God will sustain you.
The Next Chapter
So, as I step into this unexpected chapter beyond 48, I do so with open hands and a heart anchored in God’s promises. I don’t know how many more birthdays I’ll see, but I know the One who holds my days—and that is enough.
Whatever you’re walking through—whether it’s a season of waiting, suffering, uncertainty, or deep longing—know this: God is not done with you. If you have breath in your lungs, you have purpose in His plan.
Thank you for being part of this journey with me, for your prayers and encouragement, and for allowing me to walk alongside you in faith. My hope is that as we press forward together, we will continue to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living—one grace-filled, God-sustained day at a time.
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RELATED RESOURCES
- Renewed: Finding Hope When You Don’t Like Your Story, a four-week Bible study on the book of Ruth by Heather M. Dixon. Glean wisdom from Naomi’s perspective, a woman who lived a story she didn’t choose or like. Forced to chart a new path as she mourned the loss of her husband and two sons, Naomi learned that the journey from bitterness to renewed hope and joy was rooted in God’s promise of redemption. With insight from her own journey of living with a story that is not easy, Heather teaches women to flourish even as they live hard stories through a willingness to trust that God can transform them and trade their heartache for hope. They will learn to rely on God’s movement in the details of their story, even when it can’t be seen, gain confidence to act in the part of their stories that they can change, and watch expectantly for God to redeem the parts they can’t.
- Chronic Pain Journaling Page, from The Rescued Letters Collective. A printable journal page to help you pray through days when you are struggling with chronic pain.
- 5-Minute Devotion: Trusting God’s Goodness in Chronic Illness, a blog post from The Rescued Letters Collective. Explore how to find strength and hope in God’s promises while navigating the challenges of chronic illness. This devotional offers a brief yet profound reflection on His sustaining grace.
We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments below with questions, insights, or encouragement for future readers that stop by.
